(how was that outfit corrupting a wish?)

Granted, you are now a computer, specifically an exact replica of 386 PC with Intel 386 microprocessor.

I wish all hell broke loose (as zombies or demons or whatever, demons prefered so DOOM guy armor can be weared) so we can really see who is good at FPS's.

Granted, but it turns out FPS's haven't prepared us for the real thing at all, and the world will be overrun within days.

I wish my football team hadn't lost against an opponent from the 4th league (!!) yesterday.

Granted, they actually lost against their pre-school kids.

I wish sharks would have legs again, so I could take my pet for walks since I'm tired of swimming.

Granted, but no lungs included, so you would still have to take it to the sea.

I wish I could sing like pavarotti.

Granted, you can now sing like Pavarotti when he was a toddler.

I wish I were more knowledgeable.

Granted, you can now speak fluently the Standard Galactic Alphabet so you wont need to Google anymore when playing Commander Keen.

I wish I had a pogo stick like C Keen.

Granted, but you must enter in the game to retrieve it.

I wish to have telekinetic powers.

Granted, but objects in your vicinity now have an uncomfortable tendency to hurl themselves towards you with a not entirely negligible speed and force.

I wish to know what can change the nature of a (wo)man.

Granted, you are now aware that only death can change the nature of a person (unless you believe in an afterlife, in which case only magic beans can).

I wish I could shapeshift into various animals.

Granted, but that knowledge makes all wo(men) extremely hostile to you.

Granted, but they are all different kinds of cockroaches.

I wish to live in a lighthouse.

Granted (already). Is there not a single functioning lamp in your house? You have to pay the bills. No pay, lights off.

I wish my computer would stop crashing...from right now.

Granted, as long as you turn it off right now and never turn it on again.

I wish I met the perfect girl.

Granted, but she is homosexual.

Wish I could buy myself a car,

Granted, you met her about 1 year ago. Unfortunately, you will never see her again :(

Damn... ninjad :)
Granted, but the car you can effort is a matchbox car.

I wish to have a tasty cold beer.

Granted, but she's so perfect that doesn't want to be with you. Sorry, mate!

Granted, but will be at a total loss car auction.

Granted, but suddenly you discover that you hate beer.


I wish my best female friend quit smoking.