Banned for having obviously spied on me to know such intimate details of my life.

Banned for having intimate life

Banned for being over intimate on the internet.

Banned for patriotism, and also for having wires hanging from you ears.

...banned for being wired

Banned for stealing other people's reasons for getting banned.

Banned for being weird

Banned because you didn't bring Eowyn back to me.

Banned because Eowyn was never yours and she doesn't want to be.

Banned because OTHERS made that be so; and they even made her cry...

Banned because I got the bad ending in Metro 2033.

Banned for not knowing the bad end is the good ending(I assume you mean the default one if you choose to just shoot?)

Banned because banning the person above me is the only way for me to be able to communicate with that person.

Yep, it turned out I got the default ending, where I wasn't given the choice to either shoot the Dark One or the laser thingy. And, upon looking over the guide on how to get the alternate ending (the one with the decision making) and realizing the many subtle details that I should've paid a lot more attention to during the missions, made the whole experience more frustrating. I mean, even during my first playthrough, I did try my best to not rush the game to discover the secrets that the game has to offer to a point that I felt bad for the NPCs for waiting for me.

Banned because just after the ending, a DLC is upcoming, right now; a true game never ends!

Banned for making me think of the cliche mobster line: "do you think this is all some sort of game?!?"
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Dunno how that happened...afaik all people got the same ending choices. Still, just watch the ending videos if you still want online to save time and not have to play it all again.