As you approach the city, a pair of guards sees you and says, "Stop! Who approaches Emperor Keane's Kingdom? Where is your permit to enter the city?" :)

"Look at the bag under my eyes, I hardly sleep since I started this adventure" you tell the guards, "Sure this is proof of my permit of insomnia more than anything else"

the guards stare at you in bewilderment - "if anything that's a reason to keep you out. We would not let crazy people in here. Where is your permit?"

>inv

>You have:
-A wallet
-A shopping list
-A mobile phone
-No cheese

>You are wearing:
-Hospital gown

You think quickly using the oldest trick in the book. "Hey guards, look over there!." as you point toward a group of skateboarders..
The guards say "Wait here while we take care of this."
As the guards go about their business harassing skateboarders, you walk on into the city...

you head for the market place, hoping to acquire some better clothing. The hospital gown is made of nice material and has a classy pattern, but its occasionally rather breezy at the back entrance. You hear some tittering as you pass by.

Just to keep the guards from noticing your entrance, you duck down the nearest alley that seems to connect to another main street. You look up and see some forgotten laundry, now a little sun-faded. Score! You happily dress in the fresh slacks, t-shirt (obviously from Threadless, as Link and Mario are arm wrestling on it) and underthings. There's a sunbather's towel and a duffel bag on the line too. You pack the gown and towel into the duffel bag, which releases a white duck.

The duck flutters around quacking furiously, then determinedly settles on your head, nipping at any fingers that attempt to dislodge it. The duck's fussing settles into a familiar cadence, almost as if it was berating you for something. Then the duck lowers its head in an attempt to look you in the eye. You could bring out the gown or towel in order to remove the duck without being nipped.... or maybe you should talk to it?

You decide to start talking to the duck who then starts telling you how you could get better insurance with AFLAC...

Ah, yes, one of those ducks that Facebook implanted with advertising messages. People said they would never be able to use ducks to deliver advertising impressions, but those people were wrong!

With the duck's pre-programmed AFLAC advertisement having been completed, the duck regains its own free will and says to you, angrily, "Are you the one who stuffed me into that duffle bag?" You say no.

Then the duck looks around and seems concerned as it says, "Wait a minute... You haven't seen any Keane Army troops nearby, have you? I belong to Emperor Keane himself, and when he realizes that I'm gone, he's going to send people to search for me..."

(oops, double post, I was trying to edit the previous post)

You've been through a lot lately, and now you are expected to converse with a duck marketer on top? Being hangrey as heck, you enter the next random house and throw yourself into the lit fireplace head first, effectively skewering the duck on some fire iron. Now your head is duck-free once more and lunch is already barbecuing. You are glad that the duck has finally shut up and are looking forward to a good meal.

Suddenly, the house entrance darkens with the figure of an old man, likely the owner of this simple abode.

The figure of the old man shambles towards you slowly, he is wearing an old black hooded robe and all you can see of his face is two faintly glowing eyes staring at you...

"goooooood goooood use your anger"

He obviously witnessed your heinous attack on the poor marketing agent, humbly doing his job which you brutally murdered and are now roasting over a fire.

"Let the hate flow through you!"

As you stand bemused staring wondering where you recognise the familiar voice from he walks past you and stands in front of the duck menacingly

"Now witness the full power of the dark side!!"

Then lightning arcs from his finger tips and he starts maniacally cackling. His face slowly creeps out of the shadow cast from the hood, a hideously deformed grey pallid face contorted into a demonic smile, the cackling increases with the intensity of the lightning and entropic and spectacular decay of the poor salesduck.

You slowly back away so you are against the wall and sneak around him as he is occupied.

You make it to the door and slowly pry it open walking back out into the street in a reverse position with both your hands up in front of you like cornholio.

You back into Mike Tyson walking a pigeon on a lead

Is that roast duck I smell? You know there are laws against bird killing, right? I love ducks and tigers myself. He then proceeds to beat you senseless or more exactly, one punch and you are down for the count, you lightweight.

You are unconscious. You are lying on the street bleeding.

"Bring some water, Kid's comin' too."

you wake up, and find yourself facing a white-haired man with a sick mustache. there are huge pieces of land floating around. the man offers you a hand.

"Welcome to the Bastion. Name's Rucks. What can I do for you?"

You take the glass of water

"the kid takes the glass of water" Rucks says, "he lifts it to his lips"

You take a sip of water

"the Kid takes a sip of water, it tastes like lost memories" Rucks continues

you glare at Rucks

"and the Kid glares at your truly narrator", Rucks says " as he tries to get up"

you try to stand up

"but his head spins like windbag in a hurricane"

you fell down again

"and the kid collapses back in his own misery"

You yell at Rucks "Can you shut the sodding off, I got a headache"

"The kid screams in anguish" Rucks say

"Be QUIET!"

"the Kid shouts, and then starts to whimper in the face of desolation"

you start to cry

"Kid, why ya cryin'? Oh. excuse me, there, i sometimes think out loud. coping mechanism to keep myself sane. much easier for me to remember what's going on if i describe it as a story."

From your current position on the floor, you can't help but notice how well-hung Rucks is. You are not one to notice such a thing usually, you certainly are not a guy to focus on such matters, but GOSH, this Rucks is hung like a horse, so much in fact, it's not even funny.